At the time, I was involved with a support/advocacy group made up of families of inmates. I was not one of them at the time, but I had come to respect these courageous people a great deal and wanted to help them in their mission to help keep family ties strong while their loved one was incarcerated. One of the group's projects was an annual family carnival where the inmates and their children could spend some "fun" time together and hopefully build a fond memory of time spent together as a family.
A wife from our group, and a good friend of mine, asked if I would consider writing to an inmate who her husband had said was "a real decent man." She said her husband did not usually ask her to do this, but he felt this man was somehow different. I considered it carefully, because I had watched other relationships begin this way and that was not what I had planned for my life! After some coaxing, I agreed to write and maybe occasionally visit him.
Jeff and I had written one letter each when the carnival date arrived. I learned that Jeff was to be one of the workers helping us out. We barely spoke two words to each other that evening because we were so busy, but I did agree to come for a visit so we could talk. At one of our first visits, Jeff and I talked about my being a Christian, and he asked if I would do Bible study with him. I wasn't sure where he stood on the issue. He kept talking about his "higher power" which I knew was terminology from the 12-step program he regularly attended, but I didn't know who or what was his higher power. During this time, Jeff attended and R.E.C. (Residents Encounter Christ) weekend "retreat" in the penitentiary. It was there that he met Jesus Christ in a personal way. He had grown up knowing there was a God, but not that He wanted to have a personal relationship with us. We began meeting regularly and doing Bible study and praying together.
During this time, Jeff shared with me a little about his case and the fact that he was innocent of the murder he had been convicted of. I have to admit that my first thoughts were "sure...don't they all say that?" He asked me if I would mind reading his paperwork as it would explain things. I was considering law school in the future at the time, so I thought it would be interesting to read. Little did I know I would be reading and rereading over 1500 pages over my winter break from school! I could not understand how he was convicted with what little evidence they had. Also, a lot of things did not make sense. I questioned Jeff extensively during this time. You can read more about this area of our lives in Jeff's Story.
About five months after we met, I realized my feelings for Jeff were more than I had intended. They had grown out a deep respect for him and through our shared desire to know God even more. Years ago, I had written a list of the things I considered most important in a person I would share a relationship and would maybe want to marry in the future. Jeff met the "qualifications" on my list. I had neglected to include in my short list that he not be incarcerated! That thought had never occurred to me at the time. And a "lifer" at that! My emotions ran high for two weeks as I cried and searched my heart and God's will before I talked to Jeff. I was pretty sure it was mutual, although he was respecting my wishes to keep our relationship firmly on a friendship level. At the end of the two weeks, I received peace from God that He would be there for us and would take care of things.
It has not been an easy time. Jeff and I have grown in so many ways! I have learned things that I don't know that I would have in any other circumstance. I have learned even more how to put my trust in the Lord. I have learned from Jeff how to be thankful for the small things - as he is, although to him they aren't small. God has allowed me to minister to families of inmates - I probably would not have if I were not in a similar circumstance as many of them are. God has blessed me tremendously through my relationship with Jeff.
We still pray at every visit and read the Bible together. Jeff is amazingly disciplined! He is an inspiration to me in that area since I am not. He is not bitter nor angry at what has happened to him. I hope you will read his story as I think it will inspire you too. God has worked in his life since he has been incarcerated.
People often ask me what does a man who is "doing life" have to offer? I try to explain the love and respect that has grown in the past years. I try to tell them that when he walks into the room, my heart leaps - that when we are not together, I feel somehow incomplete - that when I am happy, sad, excited, angry...no matter what - the first person I want to share it with is him!
Sure, it's not the traditional type of relationship we all dream of - and it isn't easy. But it's not hard because of Jeff...it is hard because of the circumstances. There is a difference. It comes down to a choice - and it isn't one to be taken lightly. I took several years deciding if I could marry Jeff and do life with him. I know God has used our relationship is many, many ways...to touch other's lives. We were married March 13, 1998.
At this time, we don't know what God has planned for our future. If you're reading our website, you know we're waiting for the Governor to let Jeff come home. We are trusting God this will be soon. I want to spend a life with Jeff on the outside, but even more than that, I want Jeff to experience the freedom he deserves and a life he has worked so hard for.
I hope this didn't bore you and that you will get a feel for how God can take the most unlikely circumstances and turn them to His glory. Also, be sure you really mean it when you ask God to take you out of your comfort zone as I did 14 years ago! We have met many people and shared our faith with them. There is freedom behind bars and there is hope when all around you seems hopeless. May God Bless you!
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